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"I don't know if I'll ever get you out of my system, not completely. I have... this feeling. That you'll always be there. Here."
                  - Jenny Han

All I Wanted Was You...

There is one question that keeps buzzing around my mind.
         What am I looking for in a future partner?
This is the question that is haunting my thoughts every second that I'm not distracting myself from it.

          So what am I looking for?

Well, I want someone who will show me they care, and keep showing me they care as long as we're together.
I want someone who is kind to me, who can make me laugh and smile.
Someone who will cheer me up on my dark days.
Someone who will hold me after a particularly bad nightmare and "I'm here, don't worry. I've got you."
Someone who will join me for long walks.
Someone who is willing to travel the world with me, learning new things as we go and explore new cultures and people.
Someone who loves animals just as much as I do and is willing to allow me to have a whole pack of dogs.
I want someone who will listen and understand me. Or try to at least.
I want someone who will hold me when I cry, and not saying anything. Just wait for tears to stop and then try and find my smile again.
Someone who will understand that I will open up to them about my problems in my own time.
I want someone who reads a lot of books so that we can swap our favourites and discuss them together.
Someone who will understand that I sometimes need my space, sometimes I need to be alone.

Above all, I want somebody who I can show the real me. Someone who will accept that person and all of the flaws and complications that come with it.

Someone New...

I want to talk to someone new.

Someone interesting.

I want to start fresh from hello and get to know every little detail about them.

Someone who will talk to me in the middle of the night and who will make me smile.

There doesn't have to be an attraction.

I just want someone new and exciting.

Someone different.

Just someone to explore.

Someone who will allow me to figure them out.

And who wants to figure me out in return.

--

I am riddled with diseases,

though none that you can see.

Demons attack me from my insides,

I wish they would let me be.

-Effy Ashton.

End of Something Good...

Well, we didn't last long. Yes I was falling in love with you, and it really does hurt that we're just going to continue as friends. But it is for the best.

You'll probably never read this, but thank you. You helped to heal me after I was broken. You don't believe me, and you don't believe that I wanted anything to come from us. That hurts, but I'll take it because, to be honest, you never got to know me all that well.

It was great being with you like that. I never thought you would even look at me, let alone allow me into your life. I hope we can be good friends.

Thank you, again.

What's wrong?

Oh, I'm just tired, that's all.
Tired of feeling like I'm not good enough,
Tired of trying and not getting any credit,
Tired of feeling like I'm getting nowhere,
Tired of getting put down,
Tired of being left behind,
Tired of being given up on,
Tired of feeling like I'm waiting around for things that will never happen,
Tired of being disappointed,
Tired of caring too much,
Tired of insecurities,
Tired of being unconfident,
Tired of being tired.
I'm just tired, that's all...