A Leap of Faith

I'm all about improving myself and becoming the best me I possibly can be. I'm always trying to find ways to confront my fears, in the hope that I can combat them and maybe even obliterate them so that I am no longer scared.

The thing is, I'm scared of so much. From your typical ones like heights, needles, moths and such... Then I have some major life affecting ones such as commitment, opening up about myself, or showing how I'm feeling and accepting help. Then I have the mighty strange ones, like ladders or cotton wool. These are just a few, but you can see my point, right?

I took a leap of faith yesterday. I've had a fear of committing myself for a while now, and that comes hand in hand with a fear of loving someone. I've been trying to tell myself that I'm not in love for the longest time. I've been trying to deny it, and distract myself from it. And I have to say I was doing pretty well...

But recently, I've had a hard time. A hard time at home, and a hard time with work. It's just not been great. But the person that I've been trying to deny my love for has been there for me every day making sure that I'm okay and cheering me up endlessly. They have been an unfailing support system for me.

My last wall crumbled. I realised how stupid I was being. If you want something, go for it. I can't carry being so afraid. I took the leap. I'm in a relationship and I am absolutely petrified. But so far, it has been worth the fear.

My next move is to go toe to toe with my fear of needles. No, I'm not going to shoot myself up with hard drugs. I'm getting my first tattoo.

I'm ready to be brave. 

Why animals?

I got asked a question today, from one of my closest friends that I've known for years. They asked "Why animals?" As in, why did you choose to have a job in the animal sector?

At first, I didn't quite know what to say. I just thought 'Why not animals?' But then I really thought about it for a moment, and asked myself, deep down, why is it that I chose to find a job and make a living by working with animals. In the end I typed this -

"Because I prefer the company of animals to my own species. Not just because we're shitty and broken and destroy most things we touch, but because I feel more alive, and more relaxed in who I am when I'm in the company of an animal. It was animals that gave me the comfort, security and confidence in myself to come out of my shell and start talking to other people and to explore friendships. I've always had a natural talent in forging a bond with animals and winning over their trust, I've always on some level understood them better than humans. And now that I'm learning more and more about their behaviour and habits and why they act certain ways some times and not at others I can make those bonds stronger than ever before. It's complete bullshit that you can't tell what an animal is thinking, you just need to spend enough time with it and you'll learn how. And I can teach others how to do that and how to form those strong bonds. Because, to me, that bond, being able to communicate with another creature that doesn't have the same language, and that unwavering love you can get from it is the most beautiful thing in the world. And I would rather spend my whole life with animals by my side and no member of my own species, than spend it without any at all, because I owe a lot of who I am to them."