Suffocating

I can't wait to get out of here. I need to get out of here. This place, these people that would call me family but I only call relatives... This isn't home. I'm not sure that it ever really has been.

I used to think that a person, your person, is what home is. But now I know it's more than that, for me at least. I need to have a house where I am completely comfortable, where I am safe and the environment is easy, relaxed and positive.  This house isn't like that any more.

I don't even know how I got to this place where I look at my parents and all I can do is detest them.

I absolutely cannot stand to be in the same room as my father, let alone call him such. I have managed to take back the money that he had stolen from me, but it was so much more than money that he took in the end. He took my positivity, he took my faith, and he destroyed my trust in family. Family means nothing.

As for my mother... I'm tired of the dictatorship she runs. How everything has to be her way or she'll throw a tantrum. I'm tired of having to force down food that I don't want or can't stand just because it's easier than arguing with her about it. I'm tired of her telling me that I am just like my father because I give short answers that often seem like just noise. No, mother, I do this because I've grown weary of conversations with you. All you talk about is the weather, failing that you're bitching about dad. I don't want to hear any of it. I just don't want to know. 

I am ready to leave the family home, and I have been for a long time now. Because if I stay here much longer I can feel that it will be fatal.

Hank Green - Ranting about Books

I can't even begin to tell you how much I agree with all of these book feels.

Cagey

You can keep the beast caged, but you can't tame it.

There is a part of me, a part that I'm not proud of, and a part that I try to keep as tightly reigned in as possible. My inner wolf. No, this isn't a supernatural confession, to the best of my knowledge werewolves are only a myth...

Right now, I'm not safe to be around other people. Especially other people that can't read the warning signs before it's too late. I want to rip, tear, shred, and break apart everything about a certain person. And because I', trying so hard to keep those needs on the inside it is affecting my temper, soiling my thoughts and my dreams.

I'm trying to cage my beast, but it needs out.