You know how, sometimes, people say that home isn't a place, it's a person?
Well I used to have that. I used to have a person that I was so entirely comfortable with that whenever I was in their presence I was more relaxed and peaceful in my mind and heart.
But then of course things changed.
The little protective bubble that I had built around my sanctuary shattered and the reality of it was stunning. It was like I had been dropped into a pond of ice and water. Breathtakingly real, painful, and far, far too desolate.
I've been trying to find myself a place, a little safe haven ever since. I've even tried to call that person home again. Desperately attempting to make it work the way that it used to.
But it isn't working.
To much has changed since then. I've developed into a different and stronger person. Having nothing, nowhere, that you feel truly at home forced me to toughen up and to start making my own wellbeing a priority. I was never a priority before, I was the lowest of the low and my self destruction rate was high. I still have self destructive thoughts often, but I don't act on it the same. Now I try and find a way around it to make myself better.
Anyway, that's not the point. All I'm really trying to say is I want somewhere, something, someone that makes me feel safe like what I used to have. I don't want to feel lost inside myself with nowhere to go any more. I want to go home now, please?
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