Facts and Explanations - Part 2

This is the second installment to my facts and explanations series, as the title suggests. This one involves something that I rarely tell anybody. It is something I have trouble admitting and talking about to anyone.


Number 2.  "I hate that I suffer from depression and that I get SAD in the winter"
Depression. It is a truly terrible thing to suffer from. SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) isn't a walk in the park either. But both are even harder to cope with when your version of depression is warped by mental issues. Yes, that's right, I have mental issues too.

I was originally diagnosed with Schizophrenia. That was wrong. Then I was diagnosed as being Bipolar. That was wrong too. I've finally been correctly diagnosed with Psychosis and Psychotic Depression. I refuse medicines, I tried counseling but that didn't work out either. I've found that the type of treatment that works best for me is art therapy - namely drawing and writing.

What does this all entail? 

Well, I get -
Hallucinations: These can be mild, or really severe. I can see, smell, hear, even feel things that aren't really there and aren't really happening. But for me, it is real. I've had someone try to talk me down telling me that it isn't, that it's all in my head. While they're right, for me at that exact moment while I'm hallucinating it is real. I can't make a distinction. The most common one that I get is feeling like I have insects crawling all over my skin.

Delusions: These are like super mild forms of hallucinations. I can get an idea in my head, for instance, I'm being watched by someone from somewhere. Some of the time I can snap myself out of these, and I can be easily talked down from them. My most common form of delusional behavior is that I am being watched.

Other symptoms: They're the big two. Other than that I can get paranoia, insomnia, sudden and intense daydreaming, lack of interest in everything around me, sudden increase/decrease in libido, and weight fluctuation...


If can avoid it, I don't talk about it. There are only four people in my life that know the whole truth about this and they're names are - Jordan, Nicole, Dave, and Connor. I learned to tell only a segment of the truth if it ever cropped up in conversation to find out who is worthy of knowing the full story. The ones who know there's something wrong with me, but don't know the particular details are the ones that treated me differently afterwards. Even my parents treated me differently.

For the people that read this - no I don't want to about it. And if I get sympathy, or avoidance from it then I don't want to know you. I haven't had a hallucination for a year and five months today. I don't need any sympathy, I'm strong enough to function without it. And avoidance... Well then you are less of a person for it. It's your loss, not mine.


Heavy topic over with for today. Any questions, ask. I will reply with something, but maybe not with an answer. As I've already said, I hate talking about it. It's a weakness, and I cannot stand feeling weak. If you're leaving never to return because I have mental issues... I hope the door hits you on the way out. 
Until tomorrow, as always...
Adieu.